Bad Start

     Today has started off so bad that all I want to do is head back to bed and hope that this is all a dream. It actually all started late last night and it has just continued into today. New Years Eve started with an emergency surgery and here we are, almost three weeks later, dealing with another one. From the sounds of it, the wife has a problematic left ovary that may have some calcification on it. From what the doctors and nurses told me, they are taking it out. Removing it. It will be gone forever. They believe that this is what will help stop the constant pain and suffering that she endures on a daily basis. I'm not really sure what that means to her or to me for that matter. As you guys might have read in previous issues, her and I are in negotiations for planning for one last pregnancy. One last shot at having a girl. I seem to have been blessed with producing only boys, but one last shot won't hurt. Will this change things for us? More than likely. This might put a damper on our plans. We still haven't even come to a decision as to what we want to do. With this new surgery, it looks like we have had our decision made for us.
     A lot of you may think, "You have 4 already. Why try for one more?" Because we can. It's our decision not yours. We know what to expect and we are prepared to deal with it. Nothing against you guys at all. I'm sort of lashing out because I'm angry, I'm hurt, a little lost with a sense of fear. I don't mean to lash out. If you feel that way, I'm sorry. I truly am. I don't mean it. This is probably the safest place I get to be where I can rant and most won't judge.
     I have music going and yes, I am standing in the kitchen again. Lunch time for the little two. I have a plethora of dishes to do, yet I can't focus enough to do them. I'm lucky to even be focusing enough to do this. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday right after I dropped her off at Urgent Care. I've had a cup of coffee and I'm working on a glass of water. Eating doesn't sound good. Nothing sounds good. I think I am just super worried about her since I am at home with the children and she's there without me. She's a big girl and she will be fine. Her mom is there instead of me.
     I have been able to focus long enough to finish the Sudoku puzzle, and halfway do two crossword puzzles from the paper today. I am here typing this out to you. I don't have to work today, which I feel bad about, but at least they understand and shore duty is all about family. Like legitimately. I wouldn't be able to do this if I was on a submarine. The mission is important to them, family comes second. I understand that and so does she. Luckily I married such an awesome woman. I still don't know what I would do without her. She is my rock. Hopefully, I will be able to focus better once I know she is out of surgery and awake. I may even post an issue later today to let you guys know. My friend is coming over after supper tonight to come hang out and play video games with me. He is bringing Diablo 3 so that I can cut down the demons of the game. I could play Destiny, but right now I need some adult human interaction.
     I must leave you guys here since I have a child to get ready for school and other tasks that need my attention. Thank you guys for being here and being an output for the things that weigh heavy on my mind. I still haven't gotten my B2k radio shirts, but once I do, you guys will see them. Have a great Tuesday. Hopefully yours is better than mine.

I'm out!

Wickid