For those who don't know, I have four amazing little boys. Some days are harder than others, but most of the time I don't have an issue with my children. My oldest stepson is 7 and herein lies my problem. He stands roughly about 4'5" tall and weighs around 80 pounds. It is a little on the heavy size for a child his age. In fact, the doctors have said that he is obese. I agree with them wholeheartedly because I know that he doesn't eat the way he is supposed to when he is with his dad. Now, I know that I can't "confirm" anything that goes on at his dad's house, but I do have my suspicions. It isn't hard to figure out what he eats because whenever we feed him any meal at our house, he has a huge problem with it. It has gotten better since we have gotten back to Washington, but it isn't where it needs to be. At the House of Wickid, we eat pretty healthy. Lots of vegetables and nutritious stuff gets put on the table. It isn't always healthy, but more often than not it is healthy, delicious food. The younger boys tend to eat a lot of chicken nuggets and meat sandwiches. We get the good chicken nuggets that aren't just a bunch of fat. Carter doesn't always like to eat chicken nuggets though. He has expressed that quite often. Unfortunately for him, neither me or my wife will make three separate meals for the house. It takes too much time and causes too many dishes. His dad had the nerve to ask him on the phone for all of us to hear, "Are they still feeding you like you are in prison?" I just about lost it and hung up the phone for him. In now way, shape, or form do I feed my children like they are in prison. I feed them the appropriate amount of food. It's called portion control. It's what we do at our house.
We have recently come to terms that he is also a bully. That is another thing that we do not tolerate here at the house. Unfortunately, my 5 year old has too pure of a heart and doesn't like to see anyone get into trouble. It sucks for him because Carter likes to bully my 5 year old. He likes to take control of everything, including how the toys are played with and who is playing with them. I can't discipline Carter like I would Eli and Damen. I can't really discipline Luke because he is just too young to have to do that to. I won't spank a defenseless infant. Well, soon to be toddler. Hell, I can't even spank Carter for fear of the fight that my wife and his father will get into because I "laid a hand on HIS kid." Well, for six months out of the year, he is my "kid". I don't like the fact that I have to change the way I discipline my children when we have Carter at our house. It makes everything a lot more stressful and it causes me a lot of grief. I know that it isn't easy for my beautiful one either, but at least she can spank him and discipline him and won't get into "too much trouble" with his dad. I'm at a loss for what to do because of the way I grew up and the way I discipline the other boys. Eli and Damen, when they commit an egregious penalty, can and will get a spanking. I know there are many of you out there that do not condone the spanking of children, but I will tell you something. As a living example of getting my butt spanked on a regular basis for the penalties that I committed, I didn't turn out too bad now did I? I have a great job, an awesome family, and I'm not addicted to drugs or in jail. Pretty successful childhood if I do say so myself. I just becomes difficult to handle because I have to worry about being "too mean" and "scaring" the poor child because I yell at him. He decided that it was alright to pinch his little brother yesterday at lunch. Of course, paternal hearing grants me the ability to hear even the quietest things when it comes to my children, he got caught. So we (the wife and I) called the boys out to the living room to find out what was going on. I keep it relatively strict in the house because that's how I grew up. Again, I didn't turn out so bad. Come to find out, Carter pinched Eli but didn't know why he pinched him. My wife, being the wonderful person that she is, pinched him back so he could see how it feels. He cried and cried for the entire time we were trying to yell at him. It wasn't until after Carter got in trouble that he decided to change his story and he then stated that Eli pinched him first. Now, I know the tendencies of my 5 year old. Not my child by blood, but my child nonetheless. He takes after me and is really never in trouble until Carter comes around. I pinched Eli because, well he pinched his brother, and he didn't cry at all. Tough little cookie he is. I apologized afterwards because my beautiful one pointed out that he already got pinched by Carter and I didn't need to pinch him. To teach the boys about bullying, I told them that I would do to them what they do to each other. Of course, that was too far and I was too mean. We asked Carter if he would go home and tell his dad that we were being mean to him. He vigorously shook his head yes and said that we were being "too mean" to him. I love my wife because she can keep her cool in the craziest of situations, picked up the phone and called his dad right there on the spot. Carter and his dad had a nice little conversation, which I think was just for show, and that kind of ended that conflict. I don't understand why he has to bully his brothers. He is three times their size and shouldn't be mean to them because he should know that he is going to get into trouble.
Eli usually never gets into much trouble when it is just the 5 of us. Once Carter gets here, I have no choice but to yell at him because he is always fighting with Carter and arguing and whining about something. I know that the problem is Carter because Eli just doesn't do any of the above when he is playing with Damen. I hate knowing the Carter is bullying his brothers. I know that some of it is sibling rivalry. I don't yell unless I have to and I monitor the situation for a minute or two before I step in. I'm not the type of person to yell at everything. I used to think my dad did that all of time, but after becoming a father myself, I see why it felt like he was always yelling at me. This morning was kind of a relief for me because Carter's dad came to pick him up. Now I have two free weeks of minimal yelling at children. I know that it sounds bad that I am so happy to have him gone, but in all reality it lifts some of the stress of dealing with my children. Like I said at the beginning of this post, most days are awesome because my children are just awesome. Yes, every parent says that about their children, but not many comment on how well behaved other children are. I get compliments all of time about how well behaved my children are and how they are so polite. I spend time training that. I learned that for my parents and my children will learn it from me. Nothing wrong with having polite, well-mannered children.
I think that part of the problems that we have with Carter also stem from him being at his dad's house for so long. He spent two years straight at his dad's house while we were in Georgia. During that time, I am pretty sure that his dad was saying some not so nice things about me, my wife, and our children. His dad told him that Eli, Damen, and Lucas were his half-brothers because they all have different dads. In retrospect, he is correct, but that is not something that you need to teach a seven year old. How hard is it for his dad to accept the fact that the mother of his child married someone who loves her and doesn't treat her like shit? My wife had to work THREE jobs while she was with him because he was "too good" to flip burgers. When realization finally smacked her in the head, she did the smart thing and left him. Eli's "dad" is nothing but a sperm donor. That dude isn't even good enough for me to call him a man. My wife is the only one that he did that too either. He has like three different kids with two other baby mamas. Mark (Eli's sperm donor) left my wife when she was four months pregnant with Eli. I've known all of my wife's children since their birth. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I got together with my wife. I made that choice with a sound mind and able body. I have two boys that are my own, Damen and Lucas. Those are my blood children, but that doesn't mean that I love Carter and Eli any less. I love all of them equally. I "own" the majority of the children. Carter's dad has the tendency to teach Carter some very bad habits. Things like telling Carter that he doesn't have to listen to what I tell him and that if we are being "too mean" to him, then he can just leave and walk back to his dad's house as long as he is careful. Who the phuck tells a seven year old that he can just leave his mom's house if she is being "too mean"?? Seriously?? If that was the case, that boy wouldn't even step foot into my house because I am "too mean" to him. I provide health insurance, dental insurance, house, food, clothes, school supplies, and anything else that his little heart desires. Paul (Carter's dad) is supposed to tell us whenever he took Carter to the doctor or the dentist because we needed to know about it and HE put it in the parenting plan that HE wrote up when we left for Georgia. Since I am the active duty member (Navy Submarine Service WOOT WOOT!!), I always and I mean ALWAYS, get the bills from the doctor visits. It is very hard to hide doctor's appointments from me because of this. Apparently, Paul had the mailing address changed to his address so that he would get the bills and paperwork. I guess we forgot to tell him that no matter what address is there, they will always send the bill to the active duty member. So when confronted about this, he tried to hide some information from us. We got all the information we wanted because Carter, like the rest of my children, is on my Page 2 and they will freely release his medical and dental records to me whenever they are requested. The joys of being Active Duty. Another reason why I love my job.
Well that escalated quickly.... I think I will end the rant about deviant delinquents here. Just remember step-parents, you aren't the only one dealing with your issues. There are those of us here in the realm of Parenthood that are in the same boat you are. Until next time in The Arena, this is Wickid signing off.......
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