Stunned into Silence....

     Today, I was stunned into silence as I was leaving work. I got in my car and checked my phone, like I always do, to see what messages I had gotten while I was working. I got the typical Facebook notifications and emails. I finally got around to checking my text messages after filtering through all of the other notifications and noticed a text message from my beautiful wife. In fact, I had two from her and both were about the kids and the results of their appointments that they had earlier this morning. I read the one about my oldest stepson and breathed a slight sigh knowing that they are taking special care to double check him and make sure that his treatments are going okay. Nothing is seriously wrong with him, but we just had a few concerns about his health. You know, like all parents do when it involves the children and their well-being. Today was no exception. I got to the second text message that was telling me about my 2 year old and how his appointment went. Today pretty much ended as I finished reading the text message. I have become the father of a child with special needs. My son was diagnosed with Level 3 Autism. For those who don't know what Autism is or what to look for, read the following:

     Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and verbal and non-verbal communication, and by restricted, repetitive or stereotyped behavior. The diagnostic criteria require that symptoms become apparent before a child is three years old.^[2] Autism affects information processing in the brain by altering how nerve cells and their synapses connect and organize; how this occurs is not well understood.^[3] It is one of three recognized disorders in the autism spectrum (ASDs), the other two being Asperger syndrome, which lacks delays in cognitive development and language, and pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified (commonly abbreviated as PDD-NOS), which is diagnosed when the full set of criteria for autism or Asperger syndrome are not met.^[4]

Autism has a strong genetic basis, although the genetics of autism are complex and it is unclear whether ASD is explained more by rare mutations, or by rare combinations of common genetic variants.^[5] In rare cases, autism is strongly associated with agents that cause birth defects.^[6] Controversiessurround other proposed environmental causes, such as heavy metals, pesticides or childhood vaccines;^[7] the vaccine hypotheses are biologically implausible and lack convincing scientific evidence.^[8] The prevalence of autism is about 1–2 per 1,000 people worldwide, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) report 20 per 1,000 children in the United States are diagnosed with ASD as of 2012 (up from 11 per 1,000 in 2008).^[7][9][10]The number of people diagnosed with autism has been increasing dramatically since the 1980s, partly due to changes in diagnostic practice and government-subsidized financial incentives for named diagnoses;^[10] the question of whether actual prevalence has increased is unresolved.^[11]

Parents usually notice signs in the first two years of their child's life.^[12] The signs usually develop gradually, but some autistic children first develop more normally and then regress.^[13] Early behavioral, cognitive, or speech interventions can help autistic children gain self-care, social, and communication skills.^[12] Although there is no known cure,^[12] there have been reported cases of children who recovered.^[14] Not many children with autism live independently after reaching adulthood, though some become successful.^[15] An autistic culture has developed, with some individuals seeking a cure and others believing autism should be accepted as a difference and not treated as a disorder.^[16]

     We had a general idea that he might have it, but there was that hope in the back of our minds that had us thinking that maybe it was a phase, something he would grow out of. The symptoms were there and we suspected, but we were hoping that we were wrong. Today confirms what we had "feared" all along. I have been a mixture of emotions today ranging for sobbing for my son to being extremely quiet and deep in thought. I haven't quite hit the anger stage of my grieving at this point in time and I fear for what will happen if I do. I have gotten onto a couple of the support groups so that I can get help and answers from those that are already doing what I am about ready to do. My wife and I are looking at going into marriage counseling. No, it isn't because we need help in the marriage, but because we are going to need help on coping with being able to care for our special child. I haven't really "been here" mentally for the kids today. I have been going through the motions that are on automatic and slowly I have been catching up. I have been distracted a lot since I got home and have lost a few minutes of time because I have just spaced out trying to process everything that is happening. 

     Nothing has changed between me and my son, or the rest of the family for that matter. He is still MY son, will always be MY son, and that will never change. We will start this journey together and finish it in true fashion. I won't always be here for him, but I will always fight for him and support him. There will never be a day that goes by where he isn't on my mind or that his Autism isn't first and foremost in my head. I made him, I care for him and it will stay that way for as long as we both shall live. Yes, that is what they say during the vows of a wedding, but this isn't a wedding and this is my vow to MY son, MY Autistic child, My heart and MY hero. We can make it through anything and this will be another one of those "things" that we make it through.

     This edition was somber, but you must understand the state of shock that I am in at this current point in time. You always look at people and see what conditions or disorders that someone has and you feel bad for them. You don't feel pity bad, but you feel genuinely bad for them and you sit back and wonder what the caretakers must go through and how they cope with everything. You hope above all hope that you never have something like that happen to you. Usually, 95 percent of the time, nothing that you ever see happens to you and you feel pretty good that you have made it through life without serious complications. The other 5 percent of us are here to tell you that it isn't easy to do what we do, deal with what we deal with, and cope with what we cope with. It is a day by day struggle that we have to learn on a whim when the moments hit. You never know when your special someone is going to have a good or bad day. You have to always be aware of new triggers that could upset someone and try like hell to keep those triggers from happening again. Tomorrow is a new day and we will struggle through it together.

     Keep reading the editions that are coming to a computer screen near you. Sit back and think about what you see and who you talk to. You never know when it will happen to you. See you next time on...... The Arena.

Editor In Chief

Wickid