What is it about Thanksgiving that has people in a mood to do nothing the next day? It's the turkey. Blame all the laziness on the gawd damn turkey. I didn't have much of the turkey last night, but it has me feeling like I ate 90 pounds worth of food.
Most people also get to putting up the Christmas tree on this day. I'm for it. It's whatever. So now my tree sits in the corner all nice and decorated. The kids had fun putting up all of the stuff on the tree. It hasn't been a happy day though. Like you guys read last night or early this morning, my wife's boyfriend and his son are here at my house. Now most of you that I am a pretty easy going person with opinions about most things. I tend to keep to myself sometimes because it is easier than trying to explain what it is I do and whatnot. As you might have guessed, I have been keeping to myself while trying to play an active role in my kids live's since I have gotten back from sea. This has been made exponentially harder because I have to learn how to deal with all of this while trying to learn how to adult all over again. For the last seven years, I have been catered to and things have been taken care of for me. It has been nice, but it has also made me feel incredibly dumb. I'm sure that after a bit of an adjustment period, I 'll be able to adult to just fine on my own again. That's besides the point though. The one thing I look forward to after the Thanksgiving feasting is the putting up of the Christmas tree. It brings me great joy to put the star on top of my tree. I get one of the kids to help out and they sit on my shoulders and we put up the star together. Close up on the boyfriend and his son. They put the star up on my Christmas tree this year and I'm not too happy about it. I even voiced my opinion on it because this is the last time that we will have the children together under one roof for the holidays. Yes, I'm getting a divorce and we will have split custody of the children. They will have two of everything now because of this. That isn't the part that bothers me. I know, strange isn't it. You would think that would be the thing that bothers me. It doesn't. It's the not being able to put the damn star up on my Christmas tree with my children. I haven't even put on my own Christmas ornaments because I'm still too upset to do it. I feel invisible in my own damn house.
I've been so accommodating and friendly and trying not to cause problems with everyone that is involved. The kids don't need to see that and I have to teach them how to properly treat a lady no matter what kind of bullshit situation they find themselves in. It has been very hard for me. I've also been trying to better myself and not be a jerk or an asshole. I've also been trying to not yell at the kids so much because I was always doing that. Now, I'm just being gentle yet firm when the need arises. I'm to the point where I'm just here and wishing I was out to sea again. Things are so much easier that way. It's not that I don't want to be at home with my kids, it's just that I know that the only person I have to worry about is me. No one has to worry about me because I'm as safe as safe can be when you are surrounded on all sides by tons and tons of water. Do I want to be out to sea all the time? No, but I also don't want to be invisible and useless in my own house. I can't help cook or clean or do much of anything except for the things that my ex doesn't want to do because apparently that is all I'm good for. I give baths and brush teeth. Do the occasional punishment when I catch the kids doing things they aren't supposed to be doing. Literally that is all that I do around here now. I mean yeah, I take care of my kids and I hang out with them and I do stuff with them, but the problem I have is that the star on the tree is my thing and it was taken away from me. Oh, go ahead and say that I can do it next year, but I might not be here next year for the holidays. I could quite possibly be underneath the water again, who knows?
Alright, enough about my problems. Sorry guys and gals, I had to vent that out because I needed to just get it off my chest. Ironically, this is the whole reason why I started this in the first place. Now as I sit here listening to the T.V. as it plays the newest episodes of the Gilmore Girls, I'm trying to find my center to get back to the level of relaxation that I want to be at. I should probably find some sort of alcohol and down a few of them right after I throw a pinch of Copenhagen Wintergreen in my lip. Don't judge me. I have horrible habits that I enjoy immensely. I'm 30 years old people. I'm to the point where I will do what I like and I really don't plan on changing for anyone. Like me how you see me or don't. I don't plan on getting married again. There will be no more children birthed from these loins. I'll be in a long term committed relationship that makes me happy. That's all I want. No games. No drama. Just a relationship that is built on mutual trust and happiness. One where we know that life is busy and we just have to find a way to make time for each other. That's what I need. A person who can handle some baggage that I have and can deal with my kids. Ha! You all thought I was calling my kids baggage. For shame!! But for real, I'm tired of the bullshit. I want something that makes me happy and that will push me in the right direction.
Well, it's time for me to go figure out what I intend to do with the rest of my day. As long as it doesn't involve staying up until 2 in the morning playing video games, I think I'll be alright. Call of Duty lured me in last night with it's multiplayer and zombie mode. I couldn't stop it.
I'm OUT!!!!
Wickid
Friday, November 25, 2016
What have I been doing?
This just so happens to be the question of the last few years. Nobody knows what I have been doing because I haven't been on here to tell you about it. Things have been hella rough needless to say and that is a severe understatement.
I literally just spent the last four hours playing Call of Duty Black Ops II. Why would I play this game? I played it because I needed to relieve some stress. It made me feel better. I'm not very good at the game, but that is besides the point. There is a lot of stuff that you guys missed and I have so much to tell you all. I don't even know where to begin.
Well, it is roughly two a.m. here on the west coast and I am still up and doing things. That's not true at all. I was actually on my way to bed and I decided to jump on the computer real quick like to check something out. I saw this little schmoondib on the favorites bar and clicked it. Low and behold, I still have access to this and it hasn't changed much since I last left it. Quick story, the urge to type hit me and now here I am, typing away to you guys.
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. The only difference is that my wife's boyfriend, yes that's right, and her boyfriend's son, joined us for the holidays. A little backstory might be in order here. Roughly two years ago (ironically when I last posted) the wife and I ran into a little snag in our marriage. Mainly, I was a fucking idiot and I made some poor life choices. One thing lead to another and well we tried working it out. Multiple times. We did marriage counseling and marriage retreats to try and get that spark that we lost about 3-ish years ago. This past March, after I had been sleeping on the couch for about 2 months, she came to the conclusion that we are better off as friends. Now, I tried to fight it for about 2 or 3 months before I finally quit and just said "Fuck it". So now, both of us are seeing other people and trying to get all of the paperwork and shit together so that we can get divorced. Our 7 year anniversary was last Sunday. We didn't celebrate it at all.
I have made it back to another sea going command everyone! Yay! I've even already done my underwater thing and come back from it. Home in time for the holidays. What a way to finish out the year huh? It was one of those deployments that made you ask "Why?" Like why are we doing this stupid shit right now? Why do I have to go on watch again for another 12 hours when I just spent like 9 hours on watch already? Why am I still awake? That last one is prevalent here on shore too in case you were wondering. So yeah, I did my underwater thing. It was fun, but I am now happy to have some time off even though I have to go down to the boat and help it get back out to sea.
I also didn't tell you guys that I got diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I now do most of my sleeping with a mask on my face. It works really well on the submarine and I have been sleeping rather well since I have acquired it. Nothing like not breathing while you sleep. I did that for three years and now I have to wonder why it took me so long to get checked out. You know what? It took me forever and a day to get checked out because I don't like going to the doctor. Like seriously, I hate going to the doctor. Don't ask me about the dentist because those are fighting words. I despise the dentist. They always find a way to make it so you are in pain and then tell you it's because you don't floss. Anywho, I am laying here on the couch right now wearing my mask. I am required to get at a minimum, 4 hours of continuous sleep while wearing this mask. It's a good leverage tool when people want to mess with my sleep. I just pull that bad boy out and wave it around from time to time.
I'm also dating a new chick that actually works for the Navy. Dipping my pen in the company ink as I've been told. No offense to anyone out there who may be reading this, but I'm actually happy with this decision. You have no idea what it is like to be with someone who doesn't care or doesn't pay attention to the things you say. It is so much better that I am with someone who has been underway and knows the pain of having to be gone for months on end. I don't have to explain acronyms or anything. Well, for the most part. She is a surface sailor so things are a little bit different up on top of the water.
Well, it is really late you guys and I have a feeling that I will have 4 kids running around early as balls in the morning making tons of noise. I guess I have to go to sleep and try to get some rest.
I'm OUT!!!
Wickid
P.S. - I'll be trying to get on here more often since I really only have to take care of myself and help with the kids and housework. It's a pretty sweet setup.
I literally just spent the last four hours playing Call of Duty Black Ops II. Why would I play this game? I played it because I needed to relieve some stress. It made me feel better. I'm not very good at the game, but that is besides the point. There is a lot of stuff that you guys missed and I have so much to tell you all. I don't even know where to begin.
Well, it is roughly two a.m. here on the west coast and I am still up and doing things. That's not true at all. I was actually on my way to bed and I decided to jump on the computer real quick like to check something out. I saw this little schmoondib on the favorites bar and clicked it. Low and behold, I still have access to this and it hasn't changed much since I last left it. Quick story, the urge to type hit me and now here I am, typing away to you guys.
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. The only difference is that my wife's boyfriend, yes that's right, and her boyfriend's son, joined us for the holidays. A little backstory might be in order here. Roughly two years ago (ironically when I last posted) the wife and I ran into a little snag in our marriage. Mainly, I was a fucking idiot and I made some poor life choices. One thing lead to another and well we tried working it out. Multiple times. We did marriage counseling and marriage retreats to try and get that spark that we lost about 3-ish years ago. This past March, after I had been sleeping on the couch for about 2 months, she came to the conclusion that we are better off as friends. Now, I tried to fight it for about 2 or 3 months before I finally quit and just said "Fuck it". So now, both of us are seeing other people and trying to get all of the paperwork and shit together so that we can get divorced. Our 7 year anniversary was last Sunday. We didn't celebrate it at all.
I have made it back to another sea going command everyone! Yay! I've even already done my underwater thing and come back from it. Home in time for the holidays. What a way to finish out the year huh? It was one of those deployments that made you ask "Why?" Like why are we doing this stupid shit right now? Why do I have to go on watch again for another 12 hours when I just spent like 9 hours on watch already? Why am I still awake? That last one is prevalent here on shore too in case you were wondering. So yeah, I did my underwater thing. It was fun, but I am now happy to have some time off even though I have to go down to the boat and help it get back out to sea.
I also didn't tell you guys that I got diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I now do most of my sleeping with a mask on my face. It works really well on the submarine and I have been sleeping rather well since I have acquired it. Nothing like not breathing while you sleep. I did that for three years and now I have to wonder why it took me so long to get checked out. You know what? It took me forever and a day to get checked out because I don't like going to the doctor. Like seriously, I hate going to the doctor. Don't ask me about the dentist because those are fighting words. I despise the dentist. They always find a way to make it so you are in pain and then tell you it's because you don't floss. Anywho, I am laying here on the couch right now wearing my mask. I am required to get at a minimum, 4 hours of continuous sleep while wearing this mask. It's a good leverage tool when people want to mess with my sleep. I just pull that bad boy out and wave it around from time to time.
I'm also dating a new chick that actually works for the Navy. Dipping my pen in the company ink as I've been told. No offense to anyone out there who may be reading this, but I'm actually happy with this decision. You have no idea what it is like to be with someone who doesn't care or doesn't pay attention to the things you say. It is so much better that I am with someone who has been underway and knows the pain of having to be gone for months on end. I don't have to explain acronyms or anything. Well, for the most part. She is a surface sailor so things are a little bit different up on top of the water.
Well, it is really late you guys and I have a feeling that I will have 4 kids running around early as balls in the morning making tons of noise. I guess I have to go to sleep and try to get some rest.
I'm OUT!!!
Wickid
P.S. - I'll be trying to get on here more often since I really only have to take care of myself and help with the kids and housework. It's a pretty sweet setup.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Really People??
I have seen some shit in my short 28 years of life here on the planet that we call home. I have seen the fall of the twin towers. I have seen the declarations of war. I have seen suicides and murders. I have seen tears and agony. Happiness and smiles. Hugs and kisses. Friends and enemies. Out of all of that stuff, I have been able to handle pretty much all of it with a quiet stoic voice. I have seen crazy "challenges" that have gone viral and populated a social media with the rapidity of a nasty virus. Again, I have stood by and watched as people did some of the stupidest things that I have ever seen. I've witnessed on the news about the shootings in schools and movie theaters. People going "crazy" and killing other people. Race crimes out the yin yang because somebody has some beef with someone else. Criminals getting off free because of a myriad of reasons. Things that shouldn't happen are happening. It bothers the living crap out of me.
I say all this because I am finally tired of seeing it all happen. I'm tired of watching people shoot up places because they feel they are superior to others. I'm tired of seeing people get into gang fights or having race crimes happens because you had a misunderstanding and you think the violence will solve it all. I lead into all of this because we, as Americans, are fucking stupid some times. For example, one of the most recent challenges that I have been seeing flying all over the interwebs is this "Stomping the American Flag". Like seriously? Do you have nothing better to do than to hate on a symbol? Or let's go to the recent decision of the state of South Carolina and them removing the Confederate Battle Flag from their government buildings. Why? Why would you remove something that is a part of the history of the United States? Is it because you fear this symbol? Is it because you are "offended" by it? Or is it because some racist little asshole shot up a church in your state, killing 9 church folk, because he "was doing what god wanted him to do"? So in your panic to "find an answer", you petitioned to have a national symbol removed? You are under the belief that it symbolizes racism and hatred. Have you actually done any research at all? Have you looked past your insecurities and discrimination to actually find the right answer before you went ahead and did something that I see as stupid?
Before you all start barraging me with links and hate mail about why I am wrong or how I am going to hell because you think I support this recent act of lunacy, I want you all to know that I actually did some research because I feel that this is a topic, while touchy, is a rather good one. I looked up the meaning of the Confederate Battle Flag and it's history. I went into different sites because no good researcher only uses one site to find all of his/her information. So while I was at work the other day, doing nothing, I perused about 15 websites about the Confederate Flag. I read all manner of interpretations and reasoning behind all of the hatred and whatnot that is surrounding this part of our history. The one thing that sticks out the most is this one phrase: "Only the winners write the history. The Yanks won so they got to write about what happened." Take that at face value. In all reality, this is probably the truest statement that I have seen written. Why would you let the loser write about what happened? If you were boxing against someone and you lost, what would they talk about in the papers? THE WINNER! You, as the loser, would get mentioned, but that is roughly about it.
It is people like the politicians that are in office now and those that have severe knee jerk reactions because they think that they have "to do something" when a tragedy happens is what is completely wrong with the world right now. I could say all day that I wish for world peace, but I know in my heart that it is an impossibility. It is because of people and their inability to be flexible. To be understanding of others. To just shut the fuck up and listen.
I am also one of those people that believe in evolution. I don't really care what we evolved from, I just know that we didn't just show the fuck up one day and call it good. We all had to start somewhere. I was reading this article last week while at work. I was perusing the webs and I came upon this article about this 22 year old guy that died over the 4th of July weekend. At first, I was a little sad because no parent ever wants to bury their child. It's not the natural order or process of things in life. Sometimes that is unavoidable and you take it and roll with it, you move on. As I was reading this article, I was dumbfounded to see that it was all this guy's fault. Let me set this up for you. Guy was 22. Legal drinking age. Hanging out at a party with his friends and family. Has fireworks that he is setting off. One in particular is a reloadable mortar. Gets the bright idea to reload it and tell people that he is going to light it off while it is on his head. People tried to stop him and failed. He lit it off. He now lays 6 feet under.
Now to me, I think this dude needs the Darwin award. Evolution and Natural Selection has done it's job. They took someone who wasn't too bright and removed him from the equation. While I feel for the family, I still have to laugh because this all could have been avoided. A few days later I was again perusing the news and saw another article about the mother of said deceased man calling for stricter laws when it comes to fireworks. Her main arguing point was that "he thought it was a dud." I'll just let you think about that last statement right there........ Remember, he had a RELOADABLE mortar that he just lit off........ Finished reading the statement? Got what she said in your head? See how STUPID it is? Fortunately, the cop like person that they interviewed hit the nail on the head when he made a statement saying that he thought it was highly unlikely that the dead dude thought the mortar was a dud. Again, the knee jerk reaction I mentioned earlier. While in the state of Washington it only costs $10 dollars to go out and get your pyrotechnics license, you save yourself a whole lot of hassle is you just THINK about what it is you are doing. The end of the article made me chuckle because they mentioned the use of common sense. In fact, I even posted it to my Facebook because I found it so humorous. What this whole situation boils down to is the ability for people to think about what they do before they do it. It leads to the age old saying of "If he jumped off of a bridge, would you do it?"
Let the hate mail and nasty comments commence since I am sure that I pissed someone off by even posting this. If you don't like my view point, oh well. My opinion and my freedom of speech that I personally FIGHT FOR TO PROTECT. I'm not saying that you are wrong, I'm just saying, think about it. Mull it over and go do some actual research. The world is ruled by technology nowadays so it won't be too hard for you to go find what I mentioned. Just don't be lazy and actually read what you find. Don't let the news and the social media sway you from being a THINKING person capable of your OWN THOUGHTS.
With that in mind,
I'm OUT!!!
I say all this because I am finally tired of seeing it all happen. I'm tired of watching people shoot up places because they feel they are superior to others. I'm tired of seeing people get into gang fights or having race crimes happens because you had a misunderstanding and you think the violence will solve it all. I lead into all of this because we, as Americans, are fucking stupid some times. For example, one of the most recent challenges that I have been seeing flying all over the interwebs is this "Stomping the American Flag". Like seriously? Do you have nothing better to do than to hate on a symbol? Or let's go to the recent decision of the state of South Carolina and them removing the Confederate Battle Flag from their government buildings. Why? Why would you remove something that is a part of the history of the United States? Is it because you fear this symbol? Is it because you are "offended" by it? Or is it because some racist little asshole shot up a church in your state, killing 9 church folk, because he "was doing what god wanted him to do"? So in your panic to "find an answer", you petitioned to have a national symbol removed? You are under the belief that it symbolizes racism and hatred. Have you actually done any research at all? Have you looked past your insecurities and discrimination to actually find the right answer before you went ahead and did something that I see as stupid?
Before you all start barraging me with links and hate mail about why I am wrong or how I am going to hell because you think I support this recent act of lunacy, I want you all to know that I actually did some research because I feel that this is a topic, while touchy, is a rather good one. I looked up the meaning of the Confederate Battle Flag and it's history. I went into different sites because no good researcher only uses one site to find all of his/her information. So while I was at work the other day, doing nothing, I perused about 15 websites about the Confederate Flag. I read all manner of interpretations and reasoning behind all of the hatred and whatnot that is surrounding this part of our history. The one thing that sticks out the most is this one phrase: "Only the winners write the history. The Yanks won so they got to write about what happened." Take that at face value. In all reality, this is probably the truest statement that I have seen written. Why would you let the loser write about what happened? If you were boxing against someone and you lost, what would they talk about in the papers? THE WINNER! You, as the loser, would get mentioned, but that is roughly about it.
It is people like the politicians that are in office now and those that have severe knee jerk reactions because they think that they have "to do something" when a tragedy happens is what is completely wrong with the world right now. I could say all day that I wish for world peace, but I know in my heart that it is an impossibility. It is because of people and their inability to be flexible. To be understanding of others. To just shut the fuck up and listen.
I am also one of those people that believe in evolution. I don't really care what we evolved from, I just know that we didn't just show the fuck up one day and call it good. We all had to start somewhere. I was reading this article last week while at work. I was perusing the webs and I came upon this article about this 22 year old guy that died over the 4th of July weekend. At first, I was a little sad because no parent ever wants to bury their child. It's not the natural order or process of things in life. Sometimes that is unavoidable and you take it and roll with it, you move on. As I was reading this article, I was dumbfounded to see that it was all this guy's fault. Let me set this up for you. Guy was 22. Legal drinking age. Hanging out at a party with his friends and family. Has fireworks that he is setting off. One in particular is a reloadable mortar. Gets the bright idea to reload it and tell people that he is going to light it off while it is on his head. People tried to stop him and failed. He lit it off. He now lays 6 feet under.
Now to me, I think this dude needs the Darwin award. Evolution and Natural Selection has done it's job. They took someone who wasn't too bright and removed him from the equation. While I feel for the family, I still have to laugh because this all could have been avoided. A few days later I was again perusing the news and saw another article about the mother of said deceased man calling for stricter laws when it comes to fireworks. Her main arguing point was that "he thought it was a dud." I'll just let you think about that last statement right there........ Remember, he had a RELOADABLE mortar that he just lit off........ Finished reading the statement? Got what she said in your head? See how STUPID it is? Fortunately, the cop like person that they interviewed hit the nail on the head when he made a statement saying that he thought it was highly unlikely that the dead dude thought the mortar was a dud. Again, the knee jerk reaction I mentioned earlier. While in the state of Washington it only costs $10 dollars to go out and get your pyrotechnics license, you save yourself a whole lot of hassle is you just THINK about what it is you are doing. The end of the article made me chuckle because they mentioned the use of common sense. In fact, I even posted it to my Facebook because I found it so humorous. What this whole situation boils down to is the ability for people to think about what they do before they do it. It leads to the age old saying of "If he jumped off of a bridge, would you do it?"
Let the hate mail and nasty comments commence since I am sure that I pissed someone off by even posting this. If you don't like my view point, oh well. My opinion and my freedom of speech that I personally FIGHT FOR TO PROTECT. I'm not saying that you are wrong, I'm just saying, think about it. Mull it over and go do some actual research. The world is ruled by technology nowadays so it won't be too hard for you to go find what I mentioned. Just don't be lazy and actually read what you find. Don't let the news and the social media sway you from being a THINKING person capable of your OWN THOUGHTS.
With that in mind,
I'm OUT!!!
It's Been A While....
Since I last talked to you guys. Things have been going insane over the course of the last month. I have spent countless hours at work and at home like normal. Spent some nights on watch when I would have rather been spending it asleep at home. You know, the typical things that you would hear a service member whine about. Fights have been had and tears have been shed. Things aren't always sunshine and rainbows around here and we definitely don't try to tell you that it is.
I think I am coming down with a small cold or something because my nose has been runny/stuffy for the last two days. I really should go look for the medicine to see if I can kind of cut this off at the pass. I hate being sick and my wife hates me when I'm sick. I turn into a huge baby about it. I'm eating soup right now so hopefully that will help some. I'm not sure if I told you guys, but I am so ready to get back to a submarine. It's not that I haven't enjoyed shore duty because I have, but I am ready to get back to the normal routine and the job that the Navy is paying me to do.
As I sit here at the desk listening to the kid's show that is playing on the TV and the autoplay of my phone game, I am reminded that today is Sunday and I have to go back to work tomorrow. These last two weeks at work have been short weeks with only four days in them. The last week of June went by crazy fast and I rolled right into the 4th of July weekend like nobody's business. The following week, last week, took forever to get through. Then again, my week did start on a Tuesday so I guess it threw off everything else for the week that was supposed to happen. I actually felt very accomplished last week while I was at work. I legitimately did actual work. I didn't go down to the boat or anything, but I did do a lot of paperwork and the turning in of parts. Then I have spent pretty much the last two days doing virtually nothing. I have dishes and such, but nothing to major. Last Sunday I went all hog wild on the house and cleaned pretty much everything. It was nuts!!
Last night was pretty awesome for all of the boys. We were listening to the live broadcast that my uncle does on a weekly basis and he did a few shoutouts for them and got them to dance. Last night was also the first time that they have gotten to stay up and hear the whole show. Normally, I just put it on and only turn it loud enough for me to hear because I can escape through the music to a happy place. Well, I was drowning the babies last night (bath night) and so I put it on so that I could listen to it while I was tending to them. Needless to say, we stayed up and listened to the whole show. They enjoyed it because they got to listen to the music and dance. It made their day when they heard their names said over the speakers. Beverly was downstairs sleeping because her job is..... well...... I think I will skip out on this subject because it does tend to piss me off and I'm in a good mood so I really don't want to ruin it right now. I think I need another dose of soup. Hold on a sec....... Need to go cook it.... Need it to cool down..... Theoretically she is going to part time hours soon. She told me that in September she is only going to be working two days a week. Friday and Saturday on the grave shift. Sounds like it will be easy enough for her to handle. She is also supposedly not working any other shift nor working any other days. I'll believe that when I see it though.
She is currently on a road trip with one of her friends. They are taking a 14 hour round trip down to southern Oregon to pick up a dog. She hasn't slept the last couple days. Well, slept for more than a few hours for a nap. She got home from work and went all impromptu which usually isn't like her. It's whatever. Hopefully, they make it back in time for me to go to work in the morning. I have money that says I am going to come home from work tomorrow to her sleeping on the couch. My entire paycheck says that is what is going to happen. It's like I know my wife or something.
Is it bad that I slowly count down the hours until bedtime for my kids? It's not that I don't like them, I think it's just that I'm getting older and the only thing I have been wanting to do recently is sleep. I am actually surprised that the last couple days I have gotten to sleep in. Yesterday, I got up before all of the kids. Surprised the hell out of me. I drank my coffee in peace and I even got to watch about half of the 1989 Batman before they all got up and came downstairs. This whole having an extra room upstairs for all of their toys makes things so much easier. If they are all upstairs, then I can watch whatever I want to watch. I do need to get a universal remote for the play room though so that we can have them start watching their movies and stuff upstairs. Then again, getting a new TV for mine and the wife's room sounds like a better idea. That way there they can have a bigger TV and a built in DVD player. Currently, they have my XBox 360 in there as it is collecting dust. I haven't played on it in god knows how long. I think I will hook it up to my TV in my bedroom tonight and play some on it. Although I do need to get my games and controller back from one of my wife's friends since she borrowed some stuff from me.
Well, I guess that it is for this post here in the Arena. It is time for me to get back to being a dad and stop spacing out here on the computer. All I keep hearing is the fighting going on on the TV which means that the Netflix is getting its use out of us. We totally got rid of cable since we pretty much watch everything on the Playstation anyways. Off to go find myself something to watch.
I'm out!!!!
I think I am coming down with a small cold or something because my nose has been runny/stuffy for the last two days. I really should go look for the medicine to see if I can kind of cut this off at the pass. I hate being sick and my wife hates me when I'm sick. I turn into a huge baby about it. I'm eating soup right now so hopefully that will help some. I'm not sure if I told you guys, but I am so ready to get back to a submarine. It's not that I haven't enjoyed shore duty because I have, but I am ready to get back to the normal routine and the job that the Navy is paying me to do.
As I sit here at the desk listening to the kid's show that is playing on the TV and the autoplay of my phone game, I am reminded that today is Sunday and I have to go back to work tomorrow. These last two weeks at work have been short weeks with only four days in them. The last week of June went by crazy fast and I rolled right into the 4th of July weekend like nobody's business. The following week, last week, took forever to get through. Then again, my week did start on a Tuesday so I guess it threw off everything else for the week that was supposed to happen. I actually felt very accomplished last week while I was at work. I legitimately did actual work. I didn't go down to the boat or anything, but I did do a lot of paperwork and the turning in of parts. Then I have spent pretty much the last two days doing virtually nothing. I have dishes and such, but nothing to major. Last Sunday I went all hog wild on the house and cleaned pretty much everything. It was nuts!!
Last night was pretty awesome for all of the boys. We were listening to the live broadcast that my uncle does on a weekly basis and he did a few shoutouts for them and got them to dance. Last night was also the first time that they have gotten to stay up and hear the whole show. Normally, I just put it on and only turn it loud enough for me to hear because I can escape through the music to a happy place. Well, I was drowning the babies last night (bath night) and so I put it on so that I could listen to it while I was tending to them. Needless to say, we stayed up and listened to the whole show. They enjoyed it because they got to listen to the music and dance. It made their day when they heard their names said over the speakers. Beverly was downstairs sleeping because her job is..... well...... I think I will skip out on this subject because it does tend to piss me off and I'm in a good mood so I really don't want to ruin it right now. I think I need another dose of soup. Hold on a sec....... Need to go cook it.... Need it to cool down..... Theoretically she is going to part time hours soon. She told me that in September she is only going to be working two days a week. Friday and Saturday on the grave shift. Sounds like it will be easy enough for her to handle. She is also supposedly not working any other shift nor working any other days. I'll believe that when I see it though.
She is currently on a road trip with one of her friends. They are taking a 14 hour round trip down to southern Oregon to pick up a dog. She hasn't slept the last couple days. Well, slept for more than a few hours for a nap. She got home from work and went all impromptu which usually isn't like her. It's whatever. Hopefully, they make it back in time for me to go to work in the morning. I have money that says I am going to come home from work tomorrow to her sleeping on the couch. My entire paycheck says that is what is going to happen. It's like I know my wife or something.
Is it bad that I slowly count down the hours until bedtime for my kids? It's not that I don't like them, I think it's just that I'm getting older and the only thing I have been wanting to do recently is sleep. I am actually surprised that the last couple days I have gotten to sleep in. Yesterday, I got up before all of the kids. Surprised the hell out of me. I drank my coffee in peace and I even got to watch about half of the 1989 Batman before they all got up and came downstairs. This whole having an extra room upstairs for all of their toys makes things so much easier. If they are all upstairs, then I can watch whatever I want to watch. I do need to get a universal remote for the play room though so that we can have them start watching their movies and stuff upstairs. Then again, getting a new TV for mine and the wife's room sounds like a better idea. That way there they can have a bigger TV and a built in DVD player. Currently, they have my XBox 360 in there as it is collecting dust. I haven't played on it in god knows how long. I think I will hook it up to my TV in my bedroom tonight and play some on it. Although I do need to get my games and controller back from one of my wife's friends since she borrowed some stuff from me.
Well, I guess that it is for this post here in the Arena. It is time for me to get back to being a dad and stop spacing out here on the computer. All I keep hearing is the fighting going on on the TV which means that the Netflix is getting its use out of us. We totally got rid of cable since we pretty much watch everything on the Playstation anyways. Off to go find myself something to watch.
I'm out!!!!
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Easy Saturdays are the best
It's another Saturday that has given us sunshine and warm weather. It also gave me a chance to catch up on housework and other things that were needing my attention. Nothing better than getting a nice day to do the simple things and relax. As of right now, I have laundry going and the TV is equipped with the Netflix that has been streaming Fraiser for the last couple of hours.
There seems to be a method that goes with being able to be caught up with stuff that makes a day easier. I spent the morning doing a quick cleaning of the kitchen and I dabbled in the dishes. Some of the dishes still need to be done, but I moved on to the living room so that I could at least show progress to my lady since she got up around 4 this morning to go to work. It's this new schedule thing that she is trying out. It gives her Thursday and Friday off so that she can hang out with the boys and whatnot so that she isn't always at work. I enjoy it since I know that I will get her during the week instead of worrying about when her days off are.
She also put in her notice at work telling them that she is quitting in September. She will be full time for a little while longer and then she will start cutting back her hours at the restaurant and be part time. I can't wait until that happens because I do enjoy her being home as much as I like her earning her own money. The part time will be nice because she will be at home a lot more than normal. She will still have days where she works, but I think that she is going to only be working for 3 or 4 days out of the week. Once September rolls around she will go back to being a stay-at-home mom. I'm excited for that because then I know that she will be happy and hopefully start regaining her health so that she isn't always so stressed out and sore. I do hope that it will help her be able to sleep at night because she has been having issues with that recently.
I would like to make this a little longer, but I do have to finish some of the laundry and get ready to start supper. Plus, I know that the radio show is coming on later tonight so I want to be present for that as well. There are so many things that I would like to do tonight, but I do have chores that I need to get done so that everything can be done for tomorrow. With that information, I gotta go and I will be back later to talk at you some more.
I'm OUT!!!
There seems to be a method that goes with being able to be caught up with stuff that makes a day easier. I spent the morning doing a quick cleaning of the kitchen and I dabbled in the dishes. Some of the dishes still need to be done, but I moved on to the living room so that I could at least show progress to my lady since she got up around 4 this morning to go to work. It's this new schedule thing that she is trying out. It gives her Thursday and Friday off so that she can hang out with the boys and whatnot so that she isn't always at work. I enjoy it since I know that I will get her during the week instead of worrying about when her days off are.
She also put in her notice at work telling them that she is quitting in September. She will be full time for a little while longer and then she will start cutting back her hours at the restaurant and be part time. I can't wait until that happens because I do enjoy her being home as much as I like her earning her own money. The part time will be nice because she will be at home a lot more than normal. She will still have days where she works, but I think that she is going to only be working for 3 or 4 days out of the week. Once September rolls around she will go back to being a stay-at-home mom. I'm excited for that because then I know that she will be happy and hopefully start regaining her health so that she isn't always so stressed out and sore. I do hope that it will help her be able to sleep at night because she has been having issues with that recently.
I would like to make this a little longer, but I do have to finish some of the laundry and get ready to start supper. Plus, I know that the radio show is coming on later tonight so I want to be present for that as well. There are so many things that I would like to do tonight, but I do have chores that I need to get done so that everything can be done for tomorrow. With that information, I gotta go and I will be back later to talk at you some more.
I'm OUT!!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
As I Reflect
As I reflect on everything that has gone on in my life, whether it was good or bad, I look to the one positive thing that has rung true for the last decade. Today marks my 10 year Naval anniversary. Uncle Sam and I have been steady for the last 10 years. Last Friday, I told the Uncle that I would give him another 4 years of service. There was a little bit of paperwork, a lot of pictures and handshakes, congratulations all around. It felt good to tack on another 4 years to an already extensive contract.
Now one might say, "Josh, it's only been 10 years" to which my retort would be, "That's like an eternity some days." Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have done more than my initial enlistment if I didn't like my job and the loads of fun that can be had beneath the waves, but there are just days that are worse than others. It is that way with every job. You just have to find more good moments than bad. Ten years ago today, I was sitting in a classroom at RTC Great Lakes getting a routine "YFG" speech from a Chief. The division was fresh of the bus and working through fatigue since we had a late night flight from wherever it was we were coming from. We all arrived on a charter bus at around midnight. Most of us slept on the bus that took us from the airport to the base. When we finally stopped, most of us were ripped from our pleasant dreams of home and when we would see it again by the yelling of grown men telling us to "MOVE MOVE MOVE!!" There really was no questioning anything that they were saying. It was just do it as fast as possible so that the yelling would quit. They got us lined up and in ranks. The yelling continued and then we were marched into a room with a plethora of pay phones. As a parent of four children, I dread the day that there is a possibility of getting that late night phone call that says my child is dead. I dread it severely. It might never happen in my lifetime, but you stay on your toes. I had to call my mom and dad at like 1 or 2 in the morning to tell them that I arrived at RTC safe and sound and that I wasn't sure when I would talk to them again. I told them that I loved them and that I would see them again soon. The rest of that day was spent running to every place that the Recruit Division Commanders (RDCs) needed to take us to get us checked in and our careers started. There was no sleeping AT ALL during that first day. There was an assembly line of doctors that gave us shots, dentists that looked at our teeth, people shepherding us around to get our uniforms, and then more running with a seabag on our backs.
After a full 20 hours of being awake and moving, we finally got to set up our racks and settle down for the night. That night was definitely a night that I remember sleeping good. Things got progressively harder as boot camp wore on, but I will never forget that first day. From there I moved on to BESS in Connecticut and further on from there to my first submarine. The rest is, how they say, history for me. I have been thriving and succeeding as much as I can for the last 10 years. I have fallen and failed on more than one occasion. It's just part of life. I have met a lot of people along the way. I thank most of them for helping me get to where I am. Without their tutelage, I wouldn't have made it past my first enlistment. I consider a lot of the people that have crossed my path to be brothers and a few sisters. I served onboard a submarine with women on it. It wasn't as bad as a lot of you would make it out to be. I'm under the belief that as long as a person does their job, I don't care if they are male or female.
So enjoy the quick trip into my past and I hope that you spend some time reflecting on your past and seeing what it was that led you to the place that you are today. There is nothing better than looking back at all of the fun memories that life can bring you. Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday and we will see you back again for the next issue of The Arena.
I'm out!!!
Now one might say, "Josh, it's only been 10 years" to which my retort would be, "That's like an eternity some days." Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have done more than my initial enlistment if I didn't like my job and the loads of fun that can be had beneath the waves, but there are just days that are worse than others. It is that way with every job. You just have to find more good moments than bad. Ten years ago today, I was sitting in a classroom at RTC Great Lakes getting a routine "YFG" speech from a Chief. The division was fresh of the bus and working through fatigue since we had a late night flight from wherever it was we were coming from. We all arrived on a charter bus at around midnight. Most of us slept on the bus that took us from the airport to the base. When we finally stopped, most of us were ripped from our pleasant dreams of home and when we would see it again by the yelling of grown men telling us to "MOVE MOVE MOVE!!" There really was no questioning anything that they were saying. It was just do it as fast as possible so that the yelling would quit. They got us lined up and in ranks. The yelling continued and then we were marched into a room with a plethora of pay phones. As a parent of four children, I dread the day that there is a possibility of getting that late night phone call that says my child is dead. I dread it severely. It might never happen in my lifetime, but you stay on your toes. I had to call my mom and dad at like 1 or 2 in the morning to tell them that I arrived at RTC safe and sound and that I wasn't sure when I would talk to them again. I told them that I loved them and that I would see them again soon. The rest of that day was spent running to every place that the Recruit Division Commanders (RDCs) needed to take us to get us checked in and our careers started. There was no sleeping AT ALL during that first day. There was an assembly line of doctors that gave us shots, dentists that looked at our teeth, people shepherding us around to get our uniforms, and then more running with a seabag on our backs.
After a full 20 hours of being awake and moving, we finally got to set up our racks and settle down for the night. That night was definitely a night that I remember sleeping good. Things got progressively harder as boot camp wore on, but I will never forget that first day. From there I moved on to BESS in Connecticut and further on from there to my first submarine. The rest is, how they say, history for me. I have been thriving and succeeding as much as I can for the last 10 years. I have fallen and failed on more than one occasion. It's just part of life. I have met a lot of people along the way. I thank most of them for helping me get to where I am. Without their tutelage, I wouldn't have made it past my first enlistment. I consider a lot of the people that have crossed my path to be brothers and a few sisters. I served onboard a submarine with women on it. It wasn't as bad as a lot of you would make it out to be. I'm under the belief that as long as a person does their job, I don't care if they are male or female.
So enjoy the quick trip into my past and I hope that you spend some time reflecting on your past and seeing what it was that led you to the place that you are today. There is nothing better than looking back at all of the fun memories that life can bring you. Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday and we will see you back again for the next issue of The Arena.
I'm out!!!
Friday, June 5, 2015
Bad Things Come in Threes
Hello again everyone and welcome back to the Arena. Today marks edition number 94 and it is a sad one. So let's just get started.
There is a saying that all bad things happen in threes. I can now confirm that this is probably one of the truest statements ever spoken by anyone. I have been around and lived through a lot of bad things in my life. I have lost friends and loved ones along the way. Some of the best people that I have known have been tragically taken from me either at such a young age or it was their time to go. I don't fear death nor do I fear the loss of a great thing. I have said goodbye to shipmates that were like family to me. I've had to say goodbye to family members that I wasn't ready to lose. I have been divorced once and was on the verge of a second one.
As you can see, I am no stranger to heartache and loss. I have persevered through it all because I have found the bright side of things and was able to press on with the ability to bottle it up all inside. There was always a point in time that I was inconsolable to the loss, but I was able to pull through with the help of others. I have fought tooth and nail to recover what I assumed to be a lost cause between my wife and I. This year alone, since 2015 started, has been one that has been filled with loads of frustration and heartache. Between the wife having to go through so many medical problems that it just seems like they will never end to the events of last night and early this morning, I just feel like I am numb from head to toe.
It all started last night when I got the text from my wife telling me that my oldest stepson has broken another bone. Well, two bones to be exact. According to his dad (we share custody with his dad), they were goofing around last night before bed and I guess Carter fell down just right to snap both of the bones in his lower arm just behind the wrist. They took x-rays and they are out at the doctor's office now to rebreak and reset the bones so that they can heal. He will get to spend the summer in a cast, which for him is going to suck. I know what it is like to do that. I remember breaking my arm in 6th grade. That was the worst 8 weeks of my life. Boot camp was easier that having to deal with all of the itching and being one handed. So he might have to miss out on some of the fun things that we have planned for the summer. This was bad news #1.
Bad news #2 came a few hours later when I got the message that my wife separated her right shoulder while trying to hold down her son. He was fighting the sedation that they were trying to give him to help ease his pain. For being 9 years old, he is a strong kid. I can't even say he his little because he isn't. He stands just under 4'7" and weighs roughly 120 pounds. He's a big kid for that age. I guess with all of the struggling in trying to keep him still, he managed to work her shoulder in just the right way to knock it out of place. So, after Carter and his dad went home, she got to stay and get her shoulder looked at. She still plans to go to work tonight and in the coming days because she is one tough cookie. I honestly have no idea how she does it. She is an incredibly unyielding woman. I really do admire her strength and courage to continue being the best that she can be when being dealt the hand that she has. She is currently at the hospital with Carter while they try to fix his arm. Hopefully, they won't have a need to do surgery. I will know more in a few short hours.
Around 3 in the morning here on the west coast was when I received the 3rd and final string of bad news that is probably the worst that anybody can get. I had been in and out of sleep for about an hour or so at this point because I wanted to be able to respond to my wife with everything that was going on. My phone went off with a saying from Final Fantasy Advent Children (one of my favorite movies). It's the default alert so I just assumed that it was my wife telling me what was going on. Instead it was from my father telling me that his mom, my grandmother, was gone from this world. Now, being half asleep, I was able to give a response that expressed some of my condolences. It wasn't that I was being heartless, it was just not something that I was expecting to see that early in the morning. I spent the next two and a half hours tossing and turning with my mind racing. I was unable to really get back to the REM sleep. At five thirty, my alarm went off and that was when I commenced with the numerous phone calls that I needed to make that early in the morning. My first call was to my LPO to inform him of what happened. He got the information that I needed to relay and I was excused from work. About an hour or so later, my phone started ringing again with the need of my presence on the line. This time, it was my LCPO trying to get more information from me and trying to get me the things that I needed to make sure that I was going to be alright. I gave him the same information and explanations with the information that I currently had at that time. After phone call, I made another futile attempt to sleep. My mind wasn't having any of that. It kept telling me that there was more that needed to be done and I needed to do it quickly. I had reset my alarm to seven thirty so that I could be awake to support getting Eli to school since my wife didn't get home until around five this morning after everything was all said and done. I was able to get him off to school with no issues and I have been up and out of bed since then. I made more phone calls to my Chief to give him some updated information. I called my dad to confirm some of the information so that I could pass it along. I called my duty section leader so that he knew what was going on. I spoke with my LPO again to give him a better update of the current situation since he got his ass chewed for not getting all of the information that he needed when I talked to him the first time this morning. He's new to the job so I don't blame him for not knowing everything to ask when this situation arises. He's an E-5 like I am. He hasn't had to experience a phone call like the one I gave him this morning. I even called to set up another appointment to speak with my psychologist because I know that I will need to get this off my chest at some point and she will give some insight to what I will come to experience with the coming weeks as I work through all of this.
I feel bad because it has been so long since I last talked to my grandmother. The last time I spoke to her was a little over a year ago. She was visiting my both of my uncles down in Florida like she loved doing. It was a simple visit. My Uncle Tim contacted me via Skype and my phone battery was dying even while it was connected to the charger. I sat and spoke with her as long as could because of the battery situation. My mind wasn't really into the conversation either because I was dealing with everything that was going on between my wife and I at the same time. What is really making me feel bad is that I never got to tell her goodbye or that I loved her. My phone kept cutting in and out and it completely died before we could finish our chat. She was such an awesome lady. I remember when she had her first stroke. It was the one that started it all. She lost the function of her left arm, but she always tried to have a smile on her face. It was almost 20 years ago when that happened. I remember my Uncle +Chuck Bisbee coming to live with us and sleeping on my bedroom floor. It was a bedtime ritual for me to lay out his blankets before I went to bed so that he could have a semi-comfortable place to sleep when he got home from work late at night. My dog, Midnight would keep him company. He would wake up with me in the mornings and we would ride our bikes to our respective schools. He was going through art school at the time and I was still in elementary school. He wasn't really a morning person. He still isn't if you are wondering. He is the best uncle in the entire world. Don't care what you say, nothing will take his place. Even through her divorce from my grandfather, she still managed to show her love and compassion for us. She always tried to have a smile and she never stayed mad at anyone for long. My grandfather took his own life a few years after her first stroke. Suicide and I aren't really good friends. While he was a gruff and stern individual, he was still my grandfather. I was 15 or 16 when that happened. She then met a kind and gentle man that I have the great pleasure to call my stepgrandfather. He loved her so much and treated her like a queen. He really is a great man. It was sad to hear that he had to put her into a nursing home because he couldn't take care of her anymore. My sympathies go out to him because he loved her so much. I know that she is now in a better place and that when I look around that I will catch a glimmer of her in a smile or the way my mother in-law cares for my own children. I will miss her and she will not be forgotten.
So as you can see, the bad things come in threes. I have been able to keep my mind busy most of the morning, but I knew that I had to get this out eventually. My words here can't express all of my feelings because I'm still having trouble finding all of the right words myself. I don't like seeing my child (even if he is a stepchild) hurt. I don't like seeing my wife hurt. No one likes knowing that a loved one has passed over to a place that none of us can fathom. The point of all of this is that somewhere along the way, things will start looking up and I am going to get through this. It is just something that I have to face and push through. So once I finish posting this, I will be off to continue keeping my mind occupied. I'm trying really hard to not lose it in front of my kids. I'm not trying to hide anything from them. I just don't think that they really need to worry about what is going on right now. They need to focus on being kids and having fun and playing. I can take time out for me at the end of the day when I'm in the sanctuary of my bedroom tonight. It's just really hard to keep the emotions at bay unless I am actively doing something. With that being said, I bid you all a farewell and I hope that your Friday passes smoothly and without incident. Remember to tell the ones you love what they mean to you. You never know when it could be the last chance you get to do it. Live for the day and worry about tomorrow when it comes.
*Drops the mic and walks out of the Arena*
Wickid
There is a saying that all bad things happen in threes. I can now confirm that this is probably one of the truest statements ever spoken by anyone. I have been around and lived through a lot of bad things in my life. I have lost friends and loved ones along the way. Some of the best people that I have known have been tragically taken from me either at such a young age or it was their time to go. I don't fear death nor do I fear the loss of a great thing. I have said goodbye to shipmates that were like family to me. I've had to say goodbye to family members that I wasn't ready to lose. I have been divorced once and was on the verge of a second one.
As you can see, I am no stranger to heartache and loss. I have persevered through it all because I have found the bright side of things and was able to press on with the ability to bottle it up all inside. There was always a point in time that I was inconsolable to the loss, but I was able to pull through with the help of others. I have fought tooth and nail to recover what I assumed to be a lost cause between my wife and I. This year alone, since 2015 started, has been one that has been filled with loads of frustration and heartache. Between the wife having to go through so many medical problems that it just seems like they will never end to the events of last night and early this morning, I just feel like I am numb from head to toe.
It all started last night when I got the text from my wife telling me that my oldest stepson has broken another bone. Well, two bones to be exact. According to his dad (we share custody with his dad), they were goofing around last night before bed and I guess Carter fell down just right to snap both of the bones in his lower arm just behind the wrist. They took x-rays and they are out at the doctor's office now to rebreak and reset the bones so that they can heal. He will get to spend the summer in a cast, which for him is going to suck. I know what it is like to do that. I remember breaking my arm in 6th grade. That was the worst 8 weeks of my life. Boot camp was easier that having to deal with all of the itching and being one handed. So he might have to miss out on some of the fun things that we have planned for the summer. This was bad news #1.
Bad news #2 came a few hours later when I got the message that my wife separated her right shoulder while trying to hold down her son. He was fighting the sedation that they were trying to give him to help ease his pain. For being 9 years old, he is a strong kid. I can't even say he his little because he isn't. He stands just under 4'7" and weighs roughly 120 pounds. He's a big kid for that age. I guess with all of the struggling in trying to keep him still, he managed to work her shoulder in just the right way to knock it out of place. So, after Carter and his dad went home, she got to stay and get her shoulder looked at. She still plans to go to work tonight and in the coming days because she is one tough cookie. I honestly have no idea how she does it. She is an incredibly unyielding woman. I really do admire her strength and courage to continue being the best that she can be when being dealt the hand that she has. She is currently at the hospital with Carter while they try to fix his arm. Hopefully, they won't have a need to do surgery. I will know more in a few short hours.
Around 3 in the morning here on the west coast was when I received the 3rd and final string of bad news that is probably the worst that anybody can get. I had been in and out of sleep for about an hour or so at this point because I wanted to be able to respond to my wife with everything that was going on. My phone went off with a saying from Final Fantasy Advent Children (one of my favorite movies). It's the default alert so I just assumed that it was my wife telling me what was going on. Instead it was from my father telling me that his mom, my grandmother, was gone from this world. Now, being half asleep, I was able to give a response that expressed some of my condolences. It wasn't that I was being heartless, it was just not something that I was expecting to see that early in the morning. I spent the next two and a half hours tossing and turning with my mind racing. I was unable to really get back to the REM sleep. At five thirty, my alarm went off and that was when I commenced with the numerous phone calls that I needed to make that early in the morning. My first call was to my LPO to inform him of what happened. He got the information that I needed to relay and I was excused from work. About an hour or so later, my phone started ringing again with the need of my presence on the line. This time, it was my LCPO trying to get more information from me and trying to get me the things that I needed to make sure that I was going to be alright. I gave him the same information and explanations with the information that I currently had at that time. After phone call, I made another futile attempt to sleep. My mind wasn't having any of that. It kept telling me that there was more that needed to be done and I needed to do it quickly. I had reset my alarm to seven thirty so that I could be awake to support getting Eli to school since my wife didn't get home until around five this morning after everything was all said and done. I was able to get him off to school with no issues and I have been up and out of bed since then. I made more phone calls to my Chief to give him some updated information. I called my dad to confirm some of the information so that I could pass it along. I called my duty section leader so that he knew what was going on. I spoke with my LPO again to give him a better update of the current situation since he got his ass chewed for not getting all of the information that he needed when I talked to him the first time this morning. He's new to the job so I don't blame him for not knowing everything to ask when this situation arises. He's an E-5 like I am. He hasn't had to experience a phone call like the one I gave him this morning. I even called to set up another appointment to speak with my psychologist because I know that I will need to get this off my chest at some point and she will give some insight to what I will come to experience with the coming weeks as I work through all of this.
I feel bad because it has been so long since I last talked to my grandmother. The last time I spoke to her was a little over a year ago. She was visiting my both of my uncles down in Florida like she loved doing. It was a simple visit. My Uncle Tim contacted me via Skype and my phone battery was dying even while it was connected to the charger. I sat and spoke with her as long as could because of the battery situation. My mind wasn't really into the conversation either because I was dealing with everything that was going on between my wife and I at the same time. What is really making me feel bad is that I never got to tell her goodbye or that I loved her. My phone kept cutting in and out and it completely died before we could finish our chat. She was such an awesome lady. I remember when she had her first stroke. It was the one that started it all. She lost the function of her left arm, but she always tried to have a smile on her face. It was almost 20 years ago when that happened. I remember my Uncle +Chuck Bisbee coming to live with us and sleeping on my bedroom floor. It was a bedtime ritual for me to lay out his blankets before I went to bed so that he could have a semi-comfortable place to sleep when he got home from work late at night. My dog, Midnight would keep him company. He would wake up with me in the mornings and we would ride our bikes to our respective schools. He was going through art school at the time and I was still in elementary school. He wasn't really a morning person. He still isn't if you are wondering. He is the best uncle in the entire world. Don't care what you say, nothing will take his place. Even through her divorce from my grandfather, she still managed to show her love and compassion for us. She always tried to have a smile and she never stayed mad at anyone for long. My grandfather took his own life a few years after her first stroke. Suicide and I aren't really good friends. While he was a gruff and stern individual, he was still my grandfather. I was 15 or 16 when that happened. She then met a kind and gentle man that I have the great pleasure to call my stepgrandfather. He loved her so much and treated her like a queen. He really is a great man. It was sad to hear that he had to put her into a nursing home because he couldn't take care of her anymore. My sympathies go out to him because he loved her so much. I know that she is now in a better place and that when I look around that I will catch a glimmer of her in a smile or the way my mother in-law cares for my own children. I will miss her and she will not be forgotten.
So as you can see, the bad things come in threes. I have been able to keep my mind busy most of the morning, but I knew that I had to get this out eventually. My words here can't express all of my feelings because I'm still having trouble finding all of the right words myself. I don't like seeing my child (even if he is a stepchild) hurt. I don't like seeing my wife hurt. No one likes knowing that a loved one has passed over to a place that none of us can fathom. The point of all of this is that somewhere along the way, things will start looking up and I am going to get through this. It is just something that I have to face and push through. So once I finish posting this, I will be off to continue keeping my mind occupied. I'm trying really hard to not lose it in front of my kids. I'm not trying to hide anything from them. I just don't think that they really need to worry about what is going on right now. They need to focus on being kids and having fun and playing. I can take time out for me at the end of the day when I'm in the sanctuary of my bedroom tonight. It's just really hard to keep the emotions at bay unless I am actively doing something. With that being said, I bid you all a farewell and I hope that your Friday passes smoothly and without incident. Remember to tell the ones you love what they mean to you. You never know when it could be the last chance you get to do it. Live for the day and worry about tomorrow when it comes.
*Drops the mic and walks out of the Arena*
Wickid
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)