I don't know why I just did that, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. As you can see, I'm still a bit of a novice when it comes to writing things down, especially when they come directly out of my head. I didn't plan that out at all. It just kind of happened. As we move along throughout the day, the house is filled with peace. The kids are playing games and being nice to each other. There have been no arguments or yelling. It's amazing what can happen with just a little music and some simple quick rules for the day. That and the fact that the ex isn't home. I'm not trying to bad mouth her, but my kids are master manipulators when she is involved. I'm the one always getting yelled at when I try to get the kids to act right. She uses the excuse of "they're kids" or "they have disabilities" even though she is the one that has always told me to never use their disabilities as a crutch. Hypocritical of her I know, but you don't see half of the shit that I put up with. Once 2017 rolls around, I'm not putting up with it anymore. I'm done being the whipping boy and I'm done getting controlled. She claims that she doesn't control me, but the more and more I pull away from my feelings towards her, and the more I spend time looking at everything that is going on around the house, I have started to noticed that I have been blind for the last couple years. She has been subtly controlling me with just simple words and phrases that make me feel like I have been hypnotized to give a response for. All of that is over now. I have seen the error of my ways. Now, this isn't to say that things in the beginning weren't blissful or loving. They were great for the first couple years, but over time, between stress and kids and work, we had grown to resent each other. Things would have been a little easier if we hated each other, but we don't.
Moving on from all of that now. I don't want to ruin everyone's holidays by having you read about all of my problems. Today has been a great day so far. The kids slept in a bit. The ex is out and about with her boyfriend. She won't be home until later tonight, so I have all of the time in the world today to chill with my kids and laugh with them. If I can find the Christmas Eve boxes, the boys and I will do our Christmas Eve tradition of opening the boxes and watching a movie before going to bed tonight. I suppose I should make sure that the ex is okay with it before I just do it. Sometimes it seems like she only cares about herself at this point and could give a fuck less about everyone else. I have had music blaring through the speakers all day. I did some cleaning and rearranging of stuff. I'm really wishing that I had a can of Copenhagen Wintergreen or Mint right now. It's about time for me to start doing my video game thing. I don't even know what I want to play right now. I just might stick to my handheld devices since I know that if I turn on the PS3, the first thing that I am going to hear is, "Dad can we play Minecraft??" I'm not dealing with that right now. They are having fun playing on the XBox, so I will keep it that way. Just music and video games. It actually is a lot better than it sounds. I should do this every time I have them once they all move out and the kids get to visit me. Probably be the best times we will have together.
Well, off to figure out lunch for myself and get into relaxation mode. Love you guys and thanks for listening to my rambling. As always, smile and have a good day.
I'm OUT!!!
Wickid
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